“I don’t think existence wants you to be serious. I have not seen a serious tree. I have not seen a serious bird. I have not seen a serious sunrise. I have not seen a serious starry night. It seems they are all laughing in their own ways, dancing in their own ways. We may not understand it, but there is a subtle feeling that the whole existence is a celebration.”
I’m an ENFP to no one’s suprise and I’ve been dating an INFJ for almost past two years, I believe I’m still not qualified enough to talk about them, they are a complicated bunch. So maybe this is specific to my INFJ, who knows.
But this is the Hitchhiker’s guide to avoiding upsetting your INFJ.
They need their time, don’t try to force a reaction out of them. I know it’s natural to want to help INFJs get out of their shell, but you can’t talk them out of this, when they say they need time, you need to understand that they need their time. They will come back if you’re willing to be nice and not keep poking them around.
Don’t drag a fight, it actually exhausts them. You’re just hurting them more by trying to get them to talk
They care, they are terrible at expressing it.. they won’t ever tell you how much they care about you if you ask them, they will wait for a cozy night and kiss you on you’re cheeks and then tell you that you mean the world to them and you have to remember that. You have to always remember that because they mean it. They mean it more than anything else.
It’s easy to make them laugh, it hard to make them happy. Just never give up.
Small gestures. They mean more than anything grand you can ever think off.
INFJs observe everything, they will observe how you eat how you smile, how your shoulders move when you laugh. These are the things that they will always remember and they will love you for all these tiny things they find Interesting.
They are not a puzzle, if you’re with them because you find them intriguing or mysterious, just walk away. Your whole motive shouldn’t be to decode them
They can spot fake people and they know how to maintain a distance from them, don’t ever try to tell them that they are wrong about their judgements.
Love them, they will love you back. They don’t complicate things. They mean it when they say they love you, they’ll let you know when they stop. Stop second guessing.
Cuddles. Cuddle and give them coffee and a lotssss of love. Everyone needs to be loved :)
INFJ: calming presence, a hopeful soul, romantic romantic romantic, wise beyond years, wants to cuddle most of the time, won’t start a fight, extremely positive, doesn’t talk about inner feelings, needs time alone
Also INFJ: has no chill, none, zero chill, anxious ball of fire that consumes their soul, doesn’t think anyone can really love them, scared to hug people, will snap if someone crosses a value or disses a deep passion of theirs, will casually mention a past trauma, will party with 10 of their friends for 4 days straight
I spend so much time trying to be genuine and simultaneously mold myself into the role others need of me; it deeply hurts me when they take offense to my authenticity.
Anybody else ever respond to something in a super forgiving way, even when you don’t feel like it, because of the person you want to be? I find myself doing that a lot- detaching my emotion from things to make sure others are okay, to not burn bridges. I often respond to even things that hurt me by thinking about how the person who is hurting me must feel. I don’t want to cause hurt. I’d want someone to think of me. But then I remember they weren’t thinking of me at all. Shame.
I sometimes don’t understand why INFJs are seen as “pure” and “kind.” I find that I can be very detached from a situation and come off as cold when my Ni is one overdrive. It’s almost as if my Fe is not functioning at all.
I’m just now learning to make peace with my loneliness. I feel like I’ll voluntarily go through this life without any intimate relationship because I simply can’t get the all-consuming union that I want. Now, I seek satisfaction in playing various roles for different people and successfully being what they need in different moments.
Do you ever live in fear that you will be “door slammed” by someone? I know it seems irrational, but I often fear that I’ll push someone, especially the ones I love the most, that far someday. But it is a rational fear. Haven’t we all, as INFJs, cut off the few people that we deem the most harmful to our hearts to preserve them? Aren’t we also capable of being that person on the other side?
I notice when people around me are sad or when something is just not allright, and usually I can help them quite well, too, I listen to their problems, I notice the smallest changes in their behaviour and then I wonder what’s wrong. Automatically, my mind thinks that everyone would help me in the same way, and then I am disappointed and sad when they (even my best friends) don’t notice that I am not alright.
Usually, I would have to tell them to help me, but I don’t want to.. I don’t want to be weak.. I don’t want to bother them with my problems, when they have their own.. But then I keep the pain inside and I have no one to open to, and it just hurts. It hurts to be alone. Maybe you’ll understand me… Thank you for reading, I appreciate that (and my English is not the best, I’m sorry)
I’ve always been a weird combination of intense emotion and ‘cold’ rationality, and when it comes to love myself I can’t because it doesn’t make sense to love myself knowing how imperfect I am, people say that you must love yourself even with your quirks and imperfections, but I think one of the axioms inside me is “you are only deserving of love if you’re perfect” and I don’t know how to change that (for some reason that rule, if you will, only applies for me personally, and I don’t think people should be perfect in order to be loved). I find it easier to love people than to love myself.
And overall I have a pretty good life, I have a supportive familiy, I have friends that love me, I’m where I want to be, I’m studying the career I love, I eat everyday, I’m blessed everyday with random stuff I don’t know where it all comes from but in the end I’m unable to feel any real joy, and my guess is it all comes from this problem I have to really find it in myself to love me even a little bit.
